


A New Life

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: They’ve been home for a month and Chakotay is having an introspective moment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Pongo Memorial Chakotay Fest 2008 and inspired by one of Camryn’s beautiful fiddles. Thank you.

The small reception area was deserted; the distant rumble of voices and music echoed dully around the stark walls. The minimalist style wasn’t much to Chakotay’s liking but the large windows that looked out over the lush courtyard garden, broke the monotony of white. He loosened the buttons of his shirt and, sitting down, kicked off his shoes. They were brand new, stiff and uncomfortable, and he took a moment to mourn his old uniform boots. It had taken years for them to mould themselves into the comfortable and well-worn friends that they’d become. They were just another item on the long list of things that he missed from his Voyager life. Shaking his head at the foolish thoughts, he looked around the room.

It was a relief to escape the crowds. Socialising with more than a handful of people in one room was taking some getting used to. On Voyager, even during the larger celebrations, there were rarely more than fifty or so crew gathered in one place at one time and all their faces were familiar. The concept of hundreds of people – mostly strangers – milling about, bumping into one another, eating drinking and being ‘merry’ was overwhelming in an unpleasant way. He could tell that he wasn’t the only one feeling like this and he had every intention of speaking to the counsellors about it, but for now, he needed a break.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, centering himself. The last few weeks had been hectic and disorientating in so many ways. Their precipitous return to the Alpha Quadrant had left them breathless and Starfleet, for all their good intentions, hadn’t really known what to do with them. The Dominion war had left everyone bereft; the losses had been extreme and although Voyager’s return had been a bright beacon of joy on the bleak post-war landscape, no one had much energy or enthusiasm left for dealing with the returnees’ problems. The counsellors and medical staff had tried as best they could, but three or four half hour visits per crewmember was barely adequate to deal with the fallout from their isolation and years of separation from family and friends.

Everyone was muddling along as best they could and thankfully, they had each other to rely upon. Kathryn had been a strength of course, making herself available to any and all who needed her help. She’d provided practical help in regard to accommodation and remuneration, and had even offered herself as a counsellor for those who felt confident enough to approach her, but it was wearing her down as well and he could see chinks beginning to show in her armour.

Not all of the crew were in need, however, a lucky few had found themselves back in the bosom of family and friends, and were coping well with their repatriation. There had been some surprises amongst those embracing Alpha Quadrant life with gusto. Seven had been one of those in question. She’d taken to her earthbound existence like a duck to water. Chakotay smiled at the analogy. He couldn’t think of anyone who was less ‘duck-like’ than Seven of Nine.

The Doctor had removed the fail-safe device from her cortical node only a matter of days before they’d arrived home. The procedure was a success and it had given her a depth of emotion that she’d been missing up until that point. The only problem had been that she’d reverted to an almost adolescent state. When he thought about it, it made a good deal of sense. Her life had been rudely interrupted at the age of six and she had a lot of catching up to do. The change had, however, ended their burgeoning relationship.

He’d regretted the loss for all of a day, but once he had the luxury of a little distance, he could see that had he continued with the mismatch, it would have only ended in hurt. They had very little in common. Age, belief systems, their natures in general and their needs, were currently at different ends of the spectrum. He was keen to settle down. Adventuring and risking heart and home were in the past for him, but for Seven she was about to embark on the biggest adventure of all – a new life without the constraints of her Borg fail-safes. He was happy for her and had told her that he would be there for her if she ever needed him, but seeing her tonight, dancing and enjoying the attention of many young suitors, he didn’t think there would be much need for an aging ex-boyfriend in her new life. Although he knew he should be upset, he was actually relieved. The last thing he wanted were complications in his life.

Tucking his foot up under him, he picked up a book that was lying open on the couch next to him and idly leafed through the pages. It took him a moment to recognise the text, but then he flipped to the front and sure enough, it was La Vita Nuova and from the inscription, it looked as if it was Kathryn’s copy. How it had found its way here he didn’t know, but she would be devastated if she thought she’d lost it. He held it in his hand and let the pages open where they would. These must have been Kathryn’s favourite passages and he read one or two. With his brow furrowed, he looked up and contemplated the orchid on the table in front of him. He’d forgotten the passion with which Dante had written of his Beatrice. Chakotay’s feelings for Seven were but a shadow of those expressed in the poetry; he’d only felt that grand passion for one person in his life and it saddened him to think that he had let those feelings die.

Kathryn.

Cradling the book in his hand, he shook his head, not wanting to think of that now and studied the orchid again. It reminded him of Tuvok and he wondered how his taciturn shipmate was faring and if he was recovering from his illness. The attempt at distracting himself didn’t work, his thoughts swung back to Kathryn almost immediately and he snapped the book closed. Was that what their relationship was? A closed book.

If it was, it was his own fault. He’d lost hope and become jaded. All he’d seen were the endless years of lonely travel and he’d lost faith in what they’d had together. Closing his eyes, he pictured her and sifting through the many images of her in his mind, he felt the flame of his love sputter to life again. How could he have forgotten? As he remembered, the feelings swelled, his chest filled with a sweet yearning and his heartbeat sounded in her name. He whispered it quietly, “Kathryn.” Opening his eyes, he smiled and clutched the book to his chest. The future didn’t look so bleak all of a sudden and he had a purpose. It was a good feeling.

With the book tucked against his heart he sat quietly reacquainting himself with feelings that he’d thought were long disappeared and just as he was about to put his shoes back on and leave, he heard footsteps heading his way. Those hurried footsteps sounded very familiar and when their owner spoke, he smiled.

“I shan’t be long, Admiral. I’ll meet you back inside. I’m just going to the powder room.”

Chakotay grinned. It was Kathryn. He stood as she came around the corner. She didn’t see him at first and slumped against the wall, letting out a heartfelt sigh and peered back around the corner to make sure she wasn’t being followed. Turning towards the couches, she jagged to a stop when she saw him.

“Chakotay! You’re hiding too?”

He smiled. “Yes. Has anyone noticed?”

She shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. Only me. I was going to use you as an excuse to shake off Admiral Hayes, but I couldn’t find you. One month away from Voyager and your First Officer instincts have fallen by the wayside. I had to make a break for it on my own.”

He tried not to look too guilty. “Sorry, I’ve been remiss in my duties. The trouble is I’m not used crowds these days it seems.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Who is? Hard to avoid them though, isn’t it?” Her eyes lit on the book in his hand. “Oh thank goodness, you found it. I thought I’d lost it. I arrived early and sat here girding my loins. I knew tonight was going to be a trial. Nothing like a bit of Dante to put things into perspective.”

He extended the book towards her. “Yes, I was reading a few passages too. I’d forgotten. It’s been a few years since I read it.”

Kathryn moved to take the book from him, but he held it for a split second longer than necessary and she looked up at him and frowned. “That’s why I take it with me most places I go. It’s not that I forget, it’s just handy to have it there to remind me.”

“He loved with such passion.” His voice wavered slightly.

Kathryn nodded and frowned again. “He did. Are you all right, Chakotay?”

Smiling gently, he nodded. “Yes, for the first time in years, I’m fine.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s good to be home.”

“It is, but that’s not the reason. I remembered something that has been very close to my heart for a long time and knowing that it’s still there has given me a new hope for the future.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened. “And you had that epiphany hiding out here, reading my book.” She grinned. “What page were you on? I might have to read that passage too.”

Chakotay reached for the book, taking it gently from her hand. He held it, spine in his palm, let it open and began to read quietly.

“ _Tis nature, when in love, makes Love a king,_  
 _and in his mansion lodges then the heart,_  
 _wherein he rests, as in his habitat,_  
 _either in brief or lengthy slumbering._  
 _Beauty in a wise lady then appears,_  
 _which so delights the eye, the heart is taken_  
 _with longings of the thing that pleases so;_  
 _and this delight at times so long endures_  
 _it makes Love’s very spirit soon awaken._  
 _The same a woman feels about man’s awe_.”*

Looking up, he closed the book slowly and handed it back to her. They stared at one another for a long moment. Kathryn nodded slowly and clutched the book to her chest. All of a sudden there was the sound of approaching footsteps. Kathryn blinked and before Chakotay realised what was happening, she stepped forward and kissed him quickly on the lips. Smiling she ran her fingers across his cheek and then turned to go.

She was several feet away when he called her name. “Kathryn.” She stopped without turning. He spoke softly so only she could hear. “I love you.”

Swinging back towards him, she smiled and nodded. “I’ll be leaving in half an hour, come with me?”

This time he nodded and smiled.

She rushed back to him and handed him the book. “Keep this safe for me. I’ll see you later and… I love you too.”

As he took the book, their hands touched briefly and he felt the spark ignite. He stared at his hand for a moment only to look up and see her disappear around the corner. Holding the book to his lips, he kissed it and with a laugh sat down to put his uncomfortable shoes back on. He was willing to endure any pain if it meant being with Kathryn.

Spirits, it was good to be home.

 

 

* Excerpt from Dante’s La Vita Nuova.


End file.
